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Thursday, November 06, 2008


I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with this discussion of me BUT I think I ought to post rather than comment on diane's comments.

I can understand that you would not feel comfortable in a large group, but to say you don't do people well is a nonsense, as you organise outings and invite others along

I don't honest! meeting people for the first time is something I really don't enjoy, I have to do it for work and I screw myself up to get through it. When I have organised outings its invariably with people I know - a comfort blanket. When I first met Diane it had been arranged that I'd be in the same B&B as someone else. I couldn't escape. If I had been on my own I could have just gone to Minsmere and just gone around on my own. No one would have known. I have done that before! Stupid I know but hey.

I don't make friends easily, I have acquaintances, mates but friends? very few. My definition of friends is very different to most people, it means a lot more. I tend to put barriers up and make it hard for people to get through, I've always done that even at school. Of course for the people who I think of as friends .....

A few times in life I've found social events being organized and I've not been included, almost as if I'm invisible. I can well remember one event. A group of people I was with had planned something. Plans were well advanced everyone knew about it and I was sitting there thinking eh? you what? I obviously didn't go and a few people were surprised. I remember someone asking where I was and I said uh well since I wasn't invited I didn't go! "But everyone was invited" they were quite surprised when I said that the first I had heard of it was at the pub the previous day.

I don't do small talk, I tend to be on the peripherary. I find myself an observer when in large groups, I find conversations going on around me, I feel like I'm sitting in the middle with people talking around me. In large groups I tend to stick to those I know, my friend Min will tell you I can be clingy. I've got better at this over the years but inherently I'm a private and solitary person. I, of course, can project an image but that is a defence mechanism.

I've read the above several times and I hope no one thinks I am feeling sorry for myself, because I certainly don't !! I quite enjoy life if I'm honest. Well the bit between 7am-4pm Monday - Friday is a bit of a drag! but hey you can't have it all.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for this, Pete. :-)
It's always reassuring to know that others feel the same way.
Agree with you about needing to feel in control, just needing to get away, and not really trusting the airports, hotels, travel and transport companies etc to get it right. I'd rather spend a bank holiday at home than sitting in a traffic jam on the motorway. :-)

Carin Fuchs said...

Chapeau Pete! That can't have been easy for you to post it! And whether you like it or not: I like you even better for it!

I am much different from you but what do you think? Still a chance to become friends? LOL LOL I could do the small talk for both of us, even in english! LOL LOL LOL

Liz said...

I think a lot of people are similar Pete, I certainly don't do large groups well and only really feel I can let go when I really, really know someone.

I have few 'friends' just as you do, I'm not someone that needs a thousand friends. One or two really close ones is quite ok with me and as a result I'm still friends with my best friend after 21/22 years and I'm only 25!!


I often found myself in a similar situation to you at school, where seemingly everyone else was invited except me. Even though these people were apparently my 'friends' obviously they weren't at all! I never understood why it happened, as I was always allowed out, my parents were very relaxed and trusted me - to be honest I was up to far worse things than the friends when I was much younger! hahahaha Been there, done that, grown out of it already.

I need time to myself, to relax. Being with people and chatting is very tiring for me. Probably why I'm not a manic poster on forums...

Kate said...

I can relate to this. I'm terrible at small talk, especially in large groups. And I don't make new friends very easily - I've had the same best friend since I was 8. Over the years, I've learnt to adopt a veneer of confidence, but really I'm not.

st said...

If your happy, as who you are. That is all that matters.

Brave post.

Anonymous said...

You are certainly correct about what a pain people can be but... a few years ago I was in the mountains of Panama and a troup of english speaking vaguely unattractive bird watchers were in the dining room. The had seen the male Quetzel with the big tail that day. They had a guide of course. I only saw the female. But...there were planters all over and out sidea small hummingbird sitting on 2 tiny eggs unperturbed by me. So it can be worth the trip one way or the other. The toucans and the green parrots that fly in flocks are kind of sensational. So dont let the turkeys get you down.

Pete said...

thanks all

Turquis wot no blog?

Vaguely unattractive? HA HA. I can imagine the looks of misery as they saw a lifer makes me chuckle.

Panama - drool.

Mary said...


As long as you are comfortable with your self that is all that matters. I can understand your feelings as I am also happier with a few close friends and i dread social gatherings.

Jane said...

Yep, hate social gatherings (unless I know everyone really well) and I hate meeting people for the first time. I even hate answering the phone or making phone calls, but some years ago I decided I just wasn't going to miss out on seeing the world, so I did it on my own. I never go on organised holidays, preferring to do it "my way" and organising it "all" myself. That way I'm in control. Whether it's getting in the car and driving through France or going to America, Africa, Indonesia & Canada...or Wales it's all a lot easier once you have done it once and got over the initial fears. I'm glad I fought my way out of my comfort zone, now the worlds my oyster (although I actually prefer lobster!). Jane