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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Using the ATM

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

“Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts."

"After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."


1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.



1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to the machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.


Jan said...

I suppose I should stick up for women, being one myself, but I'm afraid in an awful lot of cases, it is sadly so true! It doesn't apply to me of course, because I am an excellent driver, ex taxi drivers always are. And I don't possess a handbag. :p

Lee said...

Pretty funny Pete.

I always miss #21, Retreive Card, so irate male behind me has to pull it out of the machine and then go park to turn it in so they can call me to come get it.

oldcrow61 said...

Not fair Pete, not fair!!!

Leazwell said...

You bad boy! ;)

Pete said...

I'm sorry but I couldn't resist!!

nicola said...

Can I just say that I do have some experience in this area and in fact it is more men that have problem using the atms than women! The number of times a MAN will come in saying the machine has taken his card, but given the money, to find it in his wallet or back pocket when asked to have just one more look!!!

As for women drivers, im the worse so wont comment on that ;)

Janine said...

What about the worst specimen of all, the female with a blackberry in a big truck? Furiously emailing while machine is processing and then have to open door and step down to retrieve cash.

EB said...

You do love to play with fire, Pete!